The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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