He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
