Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
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