Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
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