I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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