i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
