I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Did we literally take a cab across the street
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
