I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
