I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
