ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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