Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
