I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
