a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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