Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
What drink are we having for lunch?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
