can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Barsexuality is the new black.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
