I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
