Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
