I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
