i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
