I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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