Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
