She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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