That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
