You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
