Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
