When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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