we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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