Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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