Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
