this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
