I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize