Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
