So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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