I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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