Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
