White coat. Heels.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I have post one night stand depression
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