I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
