I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
