guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
