this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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