i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
