Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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