Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
