Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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