remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
false alarm, still single
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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