apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
