You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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