What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
