How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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