You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Couch. On fire.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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