i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
