I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
