Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
