I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
