You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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