dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
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