saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
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