Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
