I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
