Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
