Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
