hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
