The maid of honor just puked.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
