I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
