Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
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