like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
