Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
