Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
