i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
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