i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
