I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
