in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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