My hand turned me down
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
The struggles of a small town man whore
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize