soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
The beer is more important than you right now.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
