I wish I only lived at night.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
