I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
