no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I'm sobbing to NWA
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I need mimosas to revive my soul
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize