ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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