I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
