so that wasnt chicken after all
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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