OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
