Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Just took my morning after pill in the library
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I think people are normalizing furries
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
