she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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