i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
My ATM looks so different sober.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
