you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
