Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
The air taste purple.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
