I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
