I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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