I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
