I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Alive.
So much puke
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
