i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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