Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
you mean i was at the winter classic?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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