PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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