tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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