I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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