I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
