I'm so fucking centered right now
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
