finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
