just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
