I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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