and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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