If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
