im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
